A Shift in the Universe

Shortly before Liam's first birthday he got a terrible cold in his nose that made it impossible for him to breathe with his mouth closed. He was forced to go without nursing and without his passie for almost a week. By the time he recovered he'd lost interest in the passie, and he hasn't taken one since. I have no idea what it's like to ween a child from a passie, but I imagine it must be a difficult thing to do.

A couple weeks ago I thought to myself, "I think watching my baby grow up is the most difficult thing I've ever done." I don't remember why exactly, but it was a thought I was very aware of. Sometimes I think people feel guilty when they think their role as parent is hard, and there's a mounting trend of parents writing blogs defending them. Being a parent is hard work. It's hard work because it takes a lot of energy to please people other than yourself, to take their needs, desires, interests, and temperments into consideration before your own. It's hard work because you sometimes have to divide your limited self into an infinite number of pieces. It's hard because you never expected to love anyone as much as you love your child(ren).

For me, the hardest part is the letting go of each precious fleeting moment.  Now, I'm certainly not claiming that every moment is precious, what parent could? but I do sometimes wish I could stop time just long enough to commit the precious ones to memory.

Last week Liam got a cold in his nose that made it impossible for him to breathe with his mouth closed. He was forced to go without nursing for a few days and now that he's on the mend he's lost interest. Tonight, after he bit me and before went to bed he said, "bye-bye milk". And I think he meant it. Just as easily as he gave up his passie 8 months ago, he's given up on breastfeeding; and he's done it all by himself. I'm proud and happy and heartbroken all at the same time. It's a bittersweet shift in the universe.